My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
