it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My penis needs a shock collar
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
