My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
