oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
