yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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