I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
