That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Of course I have a pirate flag
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
