Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
