Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
