I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
