so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
