STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
