If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
