I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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