Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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