I wish my penis had an off switch
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
