mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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