i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
