you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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