she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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