i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
