He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My first STD was from a foam party
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
