Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
