i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
