In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
