And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
