Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i now understand why vodka
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
