This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
