I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I look better un-naked...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
