I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
