If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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