so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
