I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
