apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
