I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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