I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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