I love having hate sex.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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