is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
