Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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