When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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