so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
