I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
BRING THE BAGELS
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
