Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
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