Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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