I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
