Im at strip club and am horny
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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