i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
They took my balls.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
