guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
