note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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