Your dad touched me again.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
