I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
