i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
