It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
