I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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